just another shitty day
11:22 p.m. - 2004-11-05

Well today was nothing but shit pure shit! I went to work and was so weak but 2 days of eating nothing does it to you. This morn i got up took the kids to school then came back home and got the other car and took it over so my step dad could fix it. See this is our 2nd car and we dont use it alot but enough to have it fixed. There has been a dounut on this car for 4 months and the bf wouldnt fix it. My step dad got mad enough and fixed it himself. So i came home and jumped in bed with him in it. I tried to go to sleep but couldnt. i told him about the tire and he had the balls to say did you tell him about the break lights? I was like no you fuck head you should do that yourself. You are the man of the house. Plus you dont work. Okay so I lay there and i final get up for the day. He cooks himself lunch doesnt even ask if i want some. oh well i am not eating anyway. I planned on getting some fast food before work anyway. SO i am ready to leave and I asked him if i could get a kiss. He said prolly not. I was hurt so damn bad. I ran out crying. I went the direction to get food. yeah right like food sounds good at this point. So i went to the store to cash a check and was suppose to pick something up for supper for work. yeah right i could barely make it in and out of the store with out crying. I headed over to my moms house just full of tears. I talk to my mother and cry some more. She tells me i better eat!! She gives me a little white pill that is for depression that she takes. I am heading to work trying not to cry. I get ther and everyone says boy you look like shit you shouldnt be here. I say I am fine just weak and i want to stay. So the night goes on and i try to stay busy and not think about it. About 2 hours before i get off he calls me at work. I get to the phone..
(him) Is this you?
(me) Yes its me
(him) whats wrong with you?
I am think ing at this point are you a fucking idiot? what is wrong with me well lets see i feel like shit for going crazy on you and now you wont even talk to me or kiss me! but i didnt say that to him!
(me) nothing
(him) are you sure you sound funny
(me) yes
(him) can i go hunting after you get off work?
(me) sure
(him) are you sure you are okay
(me) yep its not you its me
(him)okay bye

So i am thinking as i hang up the phone you got to be kidding me!! He doesnt have no clue! I guess oh well. I just need to help myself with the problems that i am facing. I am going to go to counseling and find out why i just flipped out on him and when i do that if he is still just an ass then well i guess we will go from there. Okay this is long and I am tired. Bye all!!

For the record - 2005-11-18

Long time no see - 2005-11-14

Confused - 2005-09-08

I dont know what to say... - 2005-09-01

cbs blows - 2005-08-20

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