SUCK SUCK
3:28 p.m. - 2005-05-26

FUCK FUCK FUCK THAT IS ALL I CAN SAY TODAY! ITS BEEN A SHITTY DAY! Started off being okay day! Went to woke and called Travis to see if he woke up in time. He got the kids off to daycare and everything was going good. I called daycare about 10am and still everything was going good. 5 minutes till 2pm I get this call from hell. Its the daycare. This is my sons first day at this daycare. Well I hear him screaming in the background. Shit NO is all I keep thinking! So i got to daycare fast! If a cop pulled me over then they would have to chase me to the daycare cause I wasnt stopping. But to my surprise there was a cop already at the daycare. I walk in and the owner is a wreck. Yes I truely understand this. This is her first time with any not just mine "naughty" child. I talked to the cop and the owner and needless to say he will not be comming back tomorrow. I understand that completely. Emily will still go there because it is a good daycare. Here goes the next worry what am I going to do next? Not just daycare but life in itself. Bi polar child: Early-onset bipolar disorder is manic-depression that appears early--very early--in life. For many years it was assumed that children could not suffer the mood swings of mania or depression, but researchers are now reporting that bipolar disorder (or early temperamental features of it) can occur in very young children, and that it is much more common that previously thought. This this is what I deal with and it really sucks. My mom said something just last week to someone that just totally threw me off. She told someone that just found out their kid has bipolar...At first I thought Jennie had bad parental skills but now we know its not that. I am happy that she cleared that one up for me! Kindof makes me feel like shit and good at the same time. As long as I can remember Austin has been a handful. But this last 8 months have been months from hell! I wonder every day how the heck I actually stay alive. I keep thinking just one more day. NO ONE knows how it is till you have a child like this. I am sick of everyone thinking they know! So where do I go on from here? Well for right now my mom is going to watch him till the day program but still that is only a couple of hours a day and she is on vacation soon. So my best friend Red is willing to take him the days she has off but he will be in this day program and she lives in a different town so I dont know what to do. Its looking like I might have to quite my job just to sit home with him. I have so many things to figure out! Its just kindof funny cause once again my dreams and wants get put on the burner again but my son does come first in my life! I better be going i am tired and need to take a nap!

For the record - 2005-11-18

Long time no see - 2005-11-14

Confused - 2005-09-08

I dont know what to say... - 2005-09-01

cbs blows - 2005-08-20

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