crazy is what i am
9:50 a.m. - 2005-05-09

Another day off! That is 3 in a row! Rock on! Woke up this morning and got the kids to their doctors appt. Now I am home and can actually get on the computer. My son has been playing on the computer everynight so its hard for me to get on.

Last week really did kindof sucked because of Austins behaviors. We got somethings worked out. He is starting the day program this summer. Its in the same building as his doctors so they can deal with him. Sometimes I feel like they look at me like I am the crazy one. Ok i am crazy but the first step is that I admit that! Just take it day by day with that boy!

Oh yeah I had the whole Mothers day melt down yesterday. I cried and walked for 2 hours. Travis did come after me and made things worse but he has never "checked" on me before to see if I was okay. Gotta give him credit for that! After the week of stress and being way to nice to everyone and getting nothing back in return well it broke me down. They have that saying that you will get rewarded in the end for being nice and helping others. Well who the hell is "they"? and what the hell is that all about? Hell I am going to forget about that and hell if I get rewarded for being to nice then i will accept but this niceness is soon about over! I am going to try to get a mean streak in me. I worry about everyone else and its time to make me happy and fuck others. I hope i can do this. even if I have to shut myself off to the world. ITs funny cause if i am in a bummed mood at work everyone is like whats up? Now do I have to be all bubblly for everyone. I dont have to be entertainment for everyone do I? Okay i am out!

For the record - 2005-11-18

Long time no see - 2005-11-14

Confused - 2005-09-08

I dont know what to say... - 2005-09-01

cbs blows - 2005-08-20

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